Have you ever?

Have you ever wanted a place or something to belong to? Somewhere that you knew they needed and wanted you? This is my continous search. I search for a place to belong. I always felt out of place beginning with my name. Nobody had heard of it. It was always something close like marisela or griselda but never isela. I hated it when we had to do the describe our name. What it meant. I was always in a world of confusion becauseI could never find its meaning not even in spanish. I hated it. Not too long my search ended I found it on a website it said it meant island. How not sure, but it gave me a sense of belonging. It seemed as though i had found an answer to my quest but then I thought about it even more am an island. One that is destined to be alone forever. yes people say island our gorgeous getaways but in the end people will only go there for vacation and then go back home. so there i am a deserted island again. Trying to find something that will cure this lonely void. This darkness. I use to like being alone it was great it meant that i could use that time to do whatever i wanted. Now I feel i have too much time that i do not know what to do. Am i selfish for wanting to have someone stay with me? Am i being needy by not allowing someone to have their own life? I don't think so i just want to find something or someone where i belong. That I know I am there everything and cannot wait to be there. Maybe am just living in a fantasy.